Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Kaiju Big Battel: The truth about monsters

Kaiju Big Battel is a global conflict, waged across the galaxy, destroying planets. In this context, the minor losses suffered by our cities on earth from depredations of the Kaiju monsters seems trivial. We are indeed fortunate that we have the Kaiju Heroes to protect us, and the Kaiju Regulatory Commission (KRC) to maintain an order of sorts. If only that dastardly Dr Cube could be foiled!

Some brief history may be in order:

Kaiju, the Japanese word for monster, refers to giant monsters like Sky Deviler, Kung Fu Chicken Noodle, and Uchu Chu the Space Bug. They are opposed by Kaiju Heroes like Silver Potato, Dusto Bunny and the boxing hero American Beetle, who combines jingoism with aggressive boxing, and believes himself to be the US President. The Kaiju Regulatory Commission oversess these battles, and deals with the plots of Dr Cube, a renegade Kaiju Hero, who now manufactures Kaiju like Dino Kang Jr, Polo Cato and TurnOnLight. The KRC is led by the mysterious commissioner, whose identity is now the #1 secret in the world, after the unmasking of Deep Throat. Theories range from Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jimmy Carter to Dr Cube himself.

The Shocking Truth DVD provides a primer on Kaiju, What is Kaiju, exposes the secrets of Dino Kang Jr's (a clone of Hell Monkey's dead mother) cave, and tracks the meteoric rise and fall of the break-dancing aluminium clad tuber Silver Potato. It details a cataclysmic showdown between Team Space Bug and Dr Cube's Posse, and the tragic death of one important Kaiju. Bonus features abound.

In recent battels, post the ones chronicled for eternity on the DVD, Neo Teppen defeated Call-Me-Kevin again. The battel report reads,

On Sunday, Call-Me-Kevin was traveling up the River Seine in search of his favorite delicacy, frog legs, when he detected the scent of this delicious dish just below Le pont Neuf. Bursting out of the water, Kevin was shocked to find his nemesis Neo Teppen chomping on a crepe, while on break from his latest assignment providing security for the E.U. Constitutional referendum. Kevin's shock soon turned to rage as he heard the track-suited super-Hero calling him "le plus grand perdant."

The ensuing Battel lasted all of two minutes as Teppen utilized 3 1/2 of his secret powers to kick Call-Me-Kevin up and down the Champs Elysees, before delivering a nasty powerbomb onto the pointy part of the Louvre. Call-Me-Kevin's sole offensive success came when he managed to wedge Neo Teppen's enormous helmet in between one of the arches at a local McDonald's, but the locals were all too happy to help the Hero free by tearing the arches down. In the end Referee Jingi's French cousin Pierre d'Arbitre made the trios count and Call-Me-Kevin further extended his record of ineptitude.



Kaiju Big Battel is a masterpiece of zany myth-making, performance entertainment, and innovative blending of pop culture, political satire,Jap monster flicks, pro-wrestling, and more than a touch of crazy humor.

Kaiju Manga- kaiju.com
Kaiju Battel(kaiju.com)


Here's a trailer for the Shocking Truth

Kaiju Big Battel - Shocking Truth Kaiju Big Battel : A Practical Guide to Giant City-Crushing Monsters/Studio Kaiju Home Movies - Season One WWE WrestleMania XXI Who's Afraid of Godzilla? (Pictureback Shape/Official Godzilla)/DI KAIJU Godzilla - The Ultimate Collection (Godzilla, King of the Monsters/Godzilla vs. Mothra/Godzilla's Revenge/Terror of Mechagodzilla/Rodan)

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